Lately, alone at night, I lie awake thinking about how the lives of everyone around me will be different when I see them again — if I see them again. I have to admit, it’s nice having something to lose — something worth missing.
It seems harder the second time around. When I first moved away from home, it was easy because I was angry, bitter and resentful. In 2008, I had made it my mission to leave everything behind. But things are not as they were then, so I find myself pining for a new start, but also wanting to take everyone and everything with me.
I’ve lived a broken life. I’ve fought and fought through countless abuses, various neglects and abounding rejection. But I’ve come to understand that life is made up of good moments and bad moments; all are worth living.
South Dakota isn’t just a place to move to or just a place to start over, but a place to grow in – a place to develop into the person God’s always intended me to be.
Getting to this part of my journey has been the toughest thing I’ve ever done, but I know there will be many more things that will get in my way and that will try to stop me from achieving what God ultimately wants for my life.
It’s time for me to rediscover who I am while taking everyone else along with me in my heart. It’s time that I make things happen- it’s now or never.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt settled. I feel comfortable, but not settled. I feel secure, but not settled. Where I live feels familiar, but I’m not settled.
Friends of mine, L & J, currently live in South Dakota and work as residential staff at an American Native school. They absolutely love working with students from native backgrounds and have encouraged me to look into applying for a job at their school. For more than a year I held onto the idea of possibly applying, but I never took the thought seriously — until last week.
My friends encouraged me to apply once again, but I was hesitant. I didn’t want to contemplate moving to a whole other state again. I didn’t want to think about the emotions associated with leaving family and friends behind. I didn’t want to think about starting over.
I had to stop and ask myself, what would God want me to do right now? What does HE want to do with my life? It was after hearing that message that I understood that my life is not my own and I need to gain a new perspective. I’ve been sitting too long in my comfort.
So, I can’t believe I did it, but I applied. I have the potential to be living in South Dakota less than a year from now working with awesome kids! I am terrified, but I am also excited at the prospect of CHANGE.
I write all of this to say, no matter the outcome of this adventure – whether it stops at the job application or if I end up moving to SoDak – if you dare to step out in obedience, you might just surprise yourself.